42. Jokes

Anu and Rita were driving to a friend's party. The friend lived on a winding road of a very large neighbourhood. Finally, they arrived.
"Well I got us here," said Anu, "but I may have to drive around a while before I am find the right road home."
"Why can't you just put the car in reverse?" Rita asked.

41. Jokes

Teacher: Sunil, what is the outer covering of a tree trunk called?
Sunil: I don't know, Miss.
Teacher: Bark, Sunil, bark.
Sunil: Bow-Bow

40. Jokes

"This house has both advantages and disadvantages", said the honest estate agent, showing a flat to a couple.
"What are the disadvantages?" asked the women.
"Well, there is a fish drying yard some distance north, and a tannery some distance south. Both produce strong smells through at different times."
"What are the disadvantages?"
"You always know which way the wind is blowing."

39. Jokes

Man: "Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!"
Doctor:"Why?
Man:"Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it."

38. Jokes

Teacher: " Children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student: "Brotherly love"

37. Jokes

Father: " Thanks a lot doctor for saving my son's life.
Doctor: " It's God who has saved your son's life.
After sometimes
Doctor: " My fee......?"
Father: " I will send it to God through money order!"

36. Jokes

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A techer.

35. Jokes

One day a man saw a beggar on the street. He went to him and the street. He went to him and said, "if you stop begging I will pay you Rs 1000 per month."
In replay the beggar said "Come and beg with me and I will pay you Rs. 5000 per month."

34. Jokes

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

33. Jokes

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and was blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

32. Jokes

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

31. Jokes

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:'Are you the owner?'
The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?' Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

30. Jokes

A women went to a stud farm to buy a horse.
"Is your horse well behaved?" she asked the owner.
"Oh, yes," said the owner.
"When we come to a fense, he stops and lets me go over first."

29. Jokes

A haughty lady was walking around an art exhibition, loudly criticising the paintings. She stopped before one and asked the attendant,"I suppose this hideous monstrosity is what they call modern art."
"No, ma'am," said the attendant, " that's what they call a mirror."

28. Jokes

TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime?
PUPIL: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.

27. Jokes

Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy...
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out Tee hee, Brutus.
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

26. Jokes

Three men having tea in a restaurant, got to talking about books.
"Books have a great influence on us," said one of them. "When my wife was expecting, she read Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities, and do you know what happened? She delivered twins!"
"When my wife was expecting, she read The Three Musketeers," said the second man, "and she delivered triplets.
The third man fainted. When they revived him, he blurted, "My wife is expecting, and she is reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves."

25. Jokes

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.
" Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? "
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."

24. Jokes

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

23. Jokes

A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said:'I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son.'
'Oh, that's ok,' he said.'
I know it's silly,' she continued, 'but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy.'
The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out 'Goodbye Mother.'
The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled.Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day the man went to pay for his groceries.
'That'll be 105 dollars 35,' said the clerk.
'How come?' inquired the man. 'I've only bought a few things!
''Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for her...'